About twice a year and without any warning, I get moody and unhappy for no apparent reason: there are no big or negatives changes in my life, and yet many things just feel wrong. I was 16 when I first noticed these moods; I was going home from school and realised that I’d been in this dark state of mind for a couple of weeks. It wasn’t destructive – I was still nice to people and I didn’t have any bad thoughts, and back then I said to myself to just wait for it to pass.
And it did – back then and then many times later when these mood swings happened again and again. They never last for more than 3 weeks, and they happened this March. I am beginning to feel my usual self again, but throughout the month I didn’t have any will to push myself to stick to my 10 changes so I guess I have failed many of them. But let’s see.
Exercise at home
I was alright at this, actually. I didn’t exercise as vigorously as I might have hoped, but I have certainly been just as active – if not more! – than when I had my gym membership. For me personally, exercising at home has made all the difference: I’d rather do 15 minutes of exercise at home or run outside 4-5 times a week than 30+-minute sessions in the gym 2-3 times a week. The big revelation is: if you want to get fit, you need motivation, not a gym.
Meh. I tried Abbey Road, and it was alright. Then I stole my neighbour’s tradition of making Dark and Stormy for guests, and it was a success. But I want my cocktail, I don’t want to be a copycat! So I’ll continue my cocktail discovery journey. A great book for cocktails inspiration is “Gone with the gin” by Tim Federle if you’re interested. Flagged for me are: Ti-Tonic, Monty Python and the Stoli Grail, Taxi Screw-Driver and Blame Rummer. Summer cannot come quick enough.
No social media 2 hours before sleep
I failed this a few times but on the whole, I did manage to stay away from my phone in the evening. There were times when I realised I was staring at my Instagram feed and I didn’t remember making a mental effort to pick up my phone and do so – it’s scary how subconscious this digital addiction can be. But I’d like to think that I’m breaking it.
Watch French TV
Fail. I didn’t watch much TV this month in general, and so France-24 became a collateral victim of my TV rejection. Then again, it was never a plan to do it regularly, so I don’t feel too bad about it. But next time I feel like switching on my TV in the morning, it will be something French.
Create a wish board
Done! I still have some blank spaces as I haven’t found a good picture of a ginger cat to pin to my board and I need to find a nice picture of “speak French fluently”. The board sits next to my jewellery box and is a daily reminder of my big ambitions. Fun fact: I had a similar board many years ago and pretty much everything happened; what didn’t was what I stopped craving (like a green DKNY bag – why did I want it in the first place?). So I’m looking forward to chilling on my indigo-blue sofa with a ginger cat on my laps in my own home. Yes, I know I will need to win that jackpot for that. That’s also pinned.
Fail. Kind of. I simply didn’t drink too much water this month at all for many reasons, but I am in no way neglecting this habit of sipping on infused water.
Fail. The weather has been rubbish, and I had to force myself to go to the kitchen to make tea; going to a gallery or something seemed like too much effort. BUT! I made a long list of things to do in London in the next few months, and I am really looking forward to going out and experiencing this amazing city.
Measurements not scales
This works! I have 2 cm off my belly and same off my bum and 1 cm off my thighs. It’s not something I can instantly notice in the mirror and it’s not too much to show a drastically different figure on the scales, but it’s clearly a progress. The best thing about it? When you see that your improved lifestyle pays off, you want to continue – and that’s my ultimate goal: a better and healthier lifestyle, whatever the scales say.
Do yoga at the weekend
Fail. I never once wanted to do it. I was motivated enough to exercise at home and to run in a nearby park, but the idea of yoga always reminded me of this quote from the Game of Thrones – “What do we say to the Gods of death? Not today!” I think it’s time to say that yoga is just not for me and give up on it.
Verdict: not for me.
Given that I’ve been in a darker state of mind for most of the month, I’ll praise myself for not taking it out on other people. There is still this idea that if you act loud and bossy, everyone will think you’re strong and know your shit. No. Everyone will think you’re a jerk. So be nice.
Final thought of the month:
let yourself be, especially in moodier days – unless you’re chronically miserable, know that these days or even weeks happen to everyone. There’s no rush to push yourself back to cheerfulness. You’ll be fine again before you know it.